Monday, September 12, 2011

So this is me.

I don't really know where to start, and I guess that's why I keep putting off the bloggage, but from what I understand- y'all don't really care-- you just want the posts!  So, I will try to keep that in mind from this point forward.  Apologies... again...


Last week I bought a NEW CAR!  Well, new to me, but that's all that matters!  I love it so much and as geeky as this sounds, I sometimes find myself walking to the kitchen window just to catch a peek of my first big purchase.  For $xx,000-- I think it's a fair habit.  I found it online and knew right from the moment I saw it was in my price range that I wanted it bad.  So I started emailing back and forth with the dealership and was sure that because I wanted to look at it so badly, it would get sold from under me.  Well, I got lucky and not only did the car hold out for yours truly, but I got it for the price I wanted.  I had the greatest team of salespeople working with me, and it was from start to finish a really good experience.


Cars are a funny thing.  I saw on a documentary once (I think it was the docu Objectified) that people seem to identify with cars because of their face-like front and rear ends.  Which is why some cars seem cute and some cars seem bitchy and some cars seem snobby and some cars seem sporty and so forth.  I don't know what my old car "seemed", but it was mine and I cared about it and I loved it.  It was with me through thick and thin.  It was with me when I veered into the other lane without looking my freshman year of college and the lady in the beat up Taurus screamed at me, then asked that we please not call the police.  It was with me for 5 jobs.  It was with me through a high school graduation and two college graduations.  It was with me to the bitter end, when my friends started to jokingly make fun of me for having an old car.  It was my loyal steed, and when I excitedly hopped into my new car last Tuesday evening, leaving my trusty companion behind in the parking lot, I happened to look into my rear-view mirror to see the ole gal sitting there-- abandoned.  [Even writing this, I am feeling a little emotional... so silly!]  It's funny the connections we have with things-- namely cars.  I pride myself on not being a very sentimental person when it comes to things; I hang on to memories.  But leaving the Silver Bullet, as I lovingly called her for 7 years, in that used car parking lot really tugged on my heart strings.

Another funny thing about cars is how much we (well, some of us, if guiltily) associate them with status or personality or whatever.  The other day, I was running errands like a mad woman, and as I pulled up to a spotlight, the driver next to me casually glanced my way, causing me to take a quick, reflective third-person look at myself.  The phrase, "So this is me" popped into my head.  Why?  I'm not sure, but it stimulated a cascade of reflections on who I was thinking I was.  At that moment, this is what I thought (given recent experiences and my current surroundings):

I guess I'm a 25-year old nurse who drives a silver Altima and uses reusable grocery sacks when she remembers and worries about stuff like where used cars go to die and buys books but takes weeks to start reading them... and really loves her friends and family and people in general, and is living better than she ever thought she would at 25 years old.

Before the light turned to green, I made a mental note of that proclamation.  I hope it doesn't sound like I think too highly of myself, but that's what I thought at that moment and for a second, I felt proud of myself.  Sometimes you just gotta put it all down-- write it down, jot it on your mental notepad of thoughts, sing it, say it in the mirror.  It's good to get a grasp of who you are, even if pieces and parts are silly and superficial (I drive a silver car?).  Have a third-party perspective of yourself.  It's like believing in a higher power; stepping outside of yourself to recognize that you are not the end-all be-all of existence.  You are an ant on the anthill, but you are important.

So with this new reflection, I will be moving- driving- forward into all of the different phases of me, however unpredictable they may be.  I will focus on acknowledging the moments and the details and the pieces and parts that are defining the experience I am having, and my role in those details since they must be culminating before my eyes for some purpose.  Silly things (like the purchase of a new car) can be friendly reminders to live an intentional, awake life, so don't pass them up.  Be awake and aware, and find time to enjoy superficiality if you are so inclined.  Just don't forget, the definition of superficial is on the surface, so it stands to reason that there must be something else underneath...

Now this is a moment to be awake.

Unrelated, but my hair this morning.  When I moved my eyebrows up and down, it wiggled and made me laugh out loud.  

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Not Healthy

Oh.... my god, y'all.  I am going crazy today.  I was so excited last night that I had a lunch date with two of my favorite people today (Aimee and Bilal), that I didn't make any other plans for my day off.  The lunch date was perfect.  I laughed the entire two hours.  My dates with Aimee and Bilal have little to do with me... I just like to go so I can watch their interaction.  It's so awkward and beautiful.  I'm like Aimee's cheerleader.  She brings the jokes, I'm the easy audience, Bilal is the victim of the jokes.  It's all in fun.

We went to Bento downtown (or, according to Bilal, "Bentos"... personal pet peeve when people add an S to the end of an establishment... as to imply the name is possessive or plural. It's not.).  I got the Caliente Roll... crab and fresh jalepeno = yum!  Afterward, we went to Mochi for Fro-Yo, which is- in my opinion- way too popular for health.  It's like bagels were in the 90s... "healthy".  Yeah right.  I even convince myself of this lie every time I eat it.  It is not healthy.  It's loaded with sugar, and the cups are pint-sized so no one eats a proper serving size.  Regardless, perfect, if not-so-healthy, start to my day.  (Oh yeah- I had the best sleep of my life last night and woke up at 10, so lunch was the start of my day).

When I returned home from lunch, the rest of the day was a big question mark.  It was super hot and muggy out, and the sky was gray with stratus clouds everywhere and scattered cumulonimbus sitting Indian-style,  so a walk or the pool was kinda out of the question.  (I have been big into walking everywhere lately.) Also, I didn't want to go shopping, or spend money for that matter, so that further limited my out-of-the-apartment options.  I have a book to read, but I have also self-diagnosed myself with Adult ADHD, so laying in bed reading wasn't appealing to me.

I ended up downloading two albums on iTunes (thank you, JM, for the gift certificate!).  Foster The People and Nicki Minaj (JM would not approve of the second).  Then I listened to iTunes for 3 hours.  I just scrolled, selected, and listened while browsing Facebook and Blogger for three hours.  Then I started going a little insane.  I have got to start volunteering ASAP.  And get another job.  If you know of anything, I'm your girl.  I'm good at everything.  (Kidding, but I can try.)  I got hooked up with an awesome volunteer shindig (hate that word), so I need to get on it.  Otherwise, this is my face:

I work tomorrow and have something fun to do most of the day Saturday, and work Sunday... then I am off for 6 days.  I better get something figured out.  I know this post was the furthest thing from intellectual, but this is my outlet and I love you people!  You and you and you and you.  xoxoxoxoxo